i grew up being a very confident child.next to my grandmother's bosom, she was there for me every time i was thirsty or hungry, everytime i hurt myself there was a home made remedy, ...she was the homekeeper ,she was my inspiration , by holding the family close together .she was always there in her flat, on the second floor, where cooking smells from her Kitchen travelled all the way, outside through the corridor , where icons of St Mary hanged on the scratched , dirty and greasy walls.
when i became a mother ,she was the role model i would go to,Her life was an entire ritual(like many many women she inherited that from mother to daughter without never questioning it). lighting up the candle every morning, to bring the spirit in the household, to bring awareness and gratitude to the new day.that ritual in the day, that flows into the ritual of the year's celebrations.
the prayer before and after the meal that took endless time in the face of a little,hungry child like me.
the sunday where one was not allowed to do any work, just going into church and bringing many words of glory to the priest( which never impressed me)
and if there was no church , one of the literate grandchildren was asked to read the preyer book.we would all cover our hair sit on our knees, looking so saintly, behaving innocent but feeling quite sinful as i could not quite focus on the whole liturgy .I was only looking forward to have the holy bread and eat our brunch..
my grandmother wanted me to be one of those women that carry the love of god ,like a passionate, faithful spouse.
everytime i would go back to Romania , she would ask me do you still remember lord's prayer,do you still remember the creed,are you still carrying the poem the dream of saint Mary, in your walled that would protect you.
she was such a dedicated bride of God.
the best time was night time , night time came with the sound of the singing crickets, the faint laghter of the teenagers still outside in the dark, then washing our feet before climbing into bed, saying our bedtime prayer, and with my granny doing the sign of the cross over my head.then i knew i was alright....eary silance ...good night
my vision as a mother was like that ,me the centre , me the one that helped bring that warmness in our home, in our kitchen, in our body, that would give my partner and kids the energy to grow and feel the divine love that comes from mother nature.